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Skinny, shy, good at math; I was last pick for the basketball team and last pick for the opposite sex. But by Christmas, I had gone from being terrified of girls to living the cliché as the official “sexually non-threatening platonic guy friend” of the five hottest chicks in school.As nice as it was to have popular friends and beautiful women to look at all day long, I was also anguishing in a special circle of Hell, where my penis and I were at a constant state of war with each other. The argument went something like this:MY PENIS: “Fuck her! She’s hot!”THE REST OF ME: “No, we’re friends, it’d be weird…”PENIS: “But… tits!”Needless to say, it was a confusing time for me.It all started with Corrine, a bodacious blonde who was clearly destined for the Playboy centerfold. For a late-blooming nerd like me, she was also the most intimidating person on the planet. Every detail about her seemed specifically designed to twist my tongue into knots. First off, she was the tallest girl in. Considering she was almost 33, nine years older than me. I told her if she was my girlfriend, I would’ve married her twice by now, and she laughed heartily. As we finished dinner, I reminded her she was telling me about steps to become pregnant.She said, “O ya, I need to get my egg fused with sperm from the sperm bank or a donor and then put back in my body. I’m already 32 going on 33, so the sooner, the better, and it takes about 4-5 months for a successful pregnancy. After that, it’s the usual 9 months.”“Why don’t you get married?” I asked, hoping this time she would say something new.“We’ve gone over this, Karan, I feel the same about sleeping with a man as you feel about sleeping with another man,” she said, getting irritated.“Ok, but what about love? And what’s the guarantee the baby will look like its father, you don’t know about grandparents from sperm bank records,” I warned.“When I was a teenager, I wanted a love child,” she said with watery eyes.I held her shoulders and let.
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